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Sunday, August 24, 2014

George Held ---- Definitions

Five Willows Literary Review                                     George Held

Monostichs(from The New Devil’s Dictionary)

Banker One who invests other people’s money with an eye toward making it his own; formerly, a trusted priest of America’s most deeply revered god.

Commuter One who daily enriches himself in the city from which he nightly retreats to the suburb where he pays taxes.

Decency  After truth, the next casualty of war.

Doubt That which Americans no longer give their leaders the benefit of.

Faggot The gay gentleman who just left the room.

Failure Putting all your eggs in one basket and dropping it.

Global Warming Theory that CO2 emissions drive climate change, much disputed by Republican defenders of the status quo.

Honor What’s honored more in the breach than the observance.

Junk That which an airline safety inspector must keep his hands off; formerly, something useless that must be discarded.

NY Yankees Fan  Front runner; one who seeks gratification with minimal risk.

Palinite  A patriot who loves The Rapture more than homeland.

Poet laureate Abooster; one who applies Rotarian cheerleading to the dead art of poetry.

Politician A medium between taxation and representation, coveting one and finessing the other. See Janus, the two-faced demigod.

Remembrance For Proust, a medium for writing about times past; for lovers, a lock of hair to evoke visual, tactile, and olfactory memories.

Seasons 4 groups of 3 months each characterized by severe storms and irregular temperatures. See Global Warming.

Sex  What youth looks forward to and the aged look back on.

Sleep   v. A behavior that leads one to miss a deadline, be late for school or work, avoid sex;n. that which allows us perchance to dream or to simulate death.

Trump   v. To win a bridge trickby playing the highest card; n. an overbearing trickster who manipulates bankruptcy laws to stay afloat and fake a run for President.

TV News Anchor   A lip-reader paid to read aloud.